via Daily Bedpost by Em & Lo on 7/25/08
This week's bucket list edition goes out to reader Rachel, who really wants to make a home video with her guy. And not the kind of home video that would be viewed at family reunions, we're assuming (not intentionally, anyway). Here's how to do it right...
Top Ten Tips on Making a Home Video
1. Do you absolutely, 100 percent, no exceptions, no maybes, trust your guy not to screen the home video for his buddies during guys' night in? If the answer is no, then there's no need for you to read on, because we absolutely, 100 percent, no exceptions, no maybes, forbid you to make a sex tape with this guy.
2. Okay, so maybe you trust him, but shit happens, ya know? Visiting aunts go nosing around your basement, tapes get mislabeled and popped into the VCR at the wrong time. Plus, unexpected heartbreak can do funny things to a person's sense of right and wrong. So, just to be safe, why not insist on holding onto the only copy of the tape yourself? Or maybe shoot yourselves just from the neck up--or just from the neck down. If you're really paranoid, you could always erase the tape as soon as you've watched it once together. After all, at least half the fun is in the making when it comes to your amateur porn vid.
3. You don't have to look like a porn star to make a home sex tape, and you certainly don't have to act like one. Also, maybe we're squares, but we think that making extended eye contact with the camera during a sex tape is a bit creepy.
4. Pass the video camera back and forth between you to take it in turns being the demanding director. Think of the camera as a sex toy (just don't try to actually, you know, stick it anywhere).
5. Feeling camera shy? Dim the lights, try candle light, or experiment with your camera's night vision feature. They're all more flattering than bright overhead lights--plus you'll relax more. Also, no need to disrobe completely if you don't want to; sometimes a few well-placed skimpy items of clothing is sexier than nothing at all.
6. Fancy making a themed sex tape? Why not role-play a celebrity sex tape coupling?
7. Never ever ever shoot from below--this is the least-flattering angle known to mankind. Normally we hiss at advice columnists who tell you about sexual positions that flatter your figure (evil incarnate!) but this is a sex tape we're talking about and, let's be honest, we're all vain. That said, no matter what you think of your body now, we guarantee you'll look back on it fondly when you're 80. And if you don't make a sex tape now? You may just look back on it slightly wistfully, too.
8. Be sure to get your partner's permission first (because, duh, it's illegal if you don't).
9. Is the sound of your squeaky mattress making the whole thing feel too slapstick? Then crank the tunes and pretend you're on MTV. (Seriously, have you seen the music videos the kids are making these days? Total soft porn.)
10. And, most importantly of all, have fun! Because a smiley happy sex tape is usually a lot less cringe-inducing to watch than you trying to do your best Jenna Jameson impression.
Don't forget to send us your "before I die" sexual wish at bxxxx@xxxcom.
Reblogged with MessageDance using Google Reader | Reply On Twitter
No comments:
Post a Comment